Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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