best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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