i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
