so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
