WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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