The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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