i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
