Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
