Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
