Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
