Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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