I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
