Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
