john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think my moral compass just broke
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