Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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