my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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