I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
