I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this hospital has no fireball
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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