Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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