I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
