FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
