ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
