Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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