Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
