My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
