I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
