her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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