Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
