you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
