Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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