After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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