i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
