The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
