in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would fuck him just for his dog
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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