no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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