I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
