I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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