You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
