I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
