have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
