Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.