Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
