need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
