so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
