i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
