Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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