And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Michael Bay diarrhea
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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