i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
