i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
