Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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