I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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