i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
