I must be too annoying 4 u.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
