did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
