I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
