dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
