i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
