Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
