Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
