he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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