i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
