Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
