that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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