Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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