Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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