Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
