my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
