I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Boobs speak an international language.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
