God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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