I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
