wat bout pragnant strippers??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
