just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
