I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
