why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
