My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
