Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
