Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
