i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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